Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Choose your apron well

Hi all,

First off, I want to apologize in advance for any trains of thought that don't reach the station. I'm working on the fifth day in a row of little sleep (the teething demons have come to visit), and I seem to have over done it in the caffeine department today.

I've mentioned the giant appetizer-sized insects here before, and lest y'all think I'm exaggerating, I've attached two pictures.

Jeff killed the wasp just as it was trying to carry Bubbles off (his words), and tried to give it some frame of reference with the tape measure. Certainly this is a big one, but I've seen bigger. But instead of killing it and taking its picture, I ran for the house.

Since there is no reference point for the big giant scary spider, let me just say that we didn't want to get too close to it, for fear of being its next meal, and although I have no photographic proof yet, I swear its grown double its size in the last few days.

Apparently its prime location, and its bigger than life web, has enabled it to snare large enough prey (mice, squirrels, rabbits), to give it that Guinness Book of World Records advantage.

We've even set up a safety perimeter around it's web, lest the children become ensnared.

Since returning home, Bubbles has only run away twice, and has managed to lose three collars.

We had a beautiful bonding moment between Addie and Bubbles the other day. Addie was in the bathroom, Bubbles walked in, Addie told me to, "close the door shut," and within seconds, Addie had managed to pick Bubbles up, and stuff her head first into the toilet. And just to make the moment a little bit more special, the toilet was unflushed . . .

Addie seems also to be experimenting with a new game. Late at night, after she's been put to bed, the Covert Diaper Avenger strikes. Keep in mind, Addie already has a great pension for changing clothes (at least five times during the day), and apparently night time is no exception.

In the dark of night, Addie gets up, pulls off her diaper, puts on undies, changes jammies, and lays back down. That's all well and good, but when you get up and your child is a) in different jammies than you left her in, and b) sitting in a puddle of accident, you begin to question your sanity.

Addie is also polishing her table manners. A few nights ago, Addie stuck a green bean between her toes, and proceeded to try to put it into her mouth.

Neither Jeff or I could bring ourselves to chastise her, as we were eager to see if she could do it. But alas, Addie is cursed with the Selig flexibility gene - that is to say, she possesses none at all.

We were at a neighbor's house for a BBQ the other night, and they introduced us to a little goody they picked up in India - Gin in a bag.

These little wonders are one shot each, and are about the size of a large ketchup packet. I can't for the life of me figure out why they don't sell them here, as just about everyone there confirmed what a great "parents little helper" they would be.

One teacher even suggested covertly slipping them to some of her first graders . . .

The dedication to on-going classroom improvement is staggering.

Sometimes I forget that we live in the Bible Belt. But find the constant reminders refreshing.

We were at Summerfest last weekend (in the little town of York), and they kicked off the opening ceremony with a group prayer. Never mind that the festival has no religious ties, or that they would take into consideration the varying religions of the 10,000 people they were expecting.

But that's when I remind myself that there are only three religions here - Baptist, Presbyterian or Methodist.

This is the very same festival I wrote about last year, where I saw the "Commemorate Confederate Flag Day" t-shirts. And this years favorite was: "Saton Sucks!"

And for those of you who didn't want the talking Dr. Laura Action Figure, I'm sure I could round up a few of those t-shirts if you'd like.

When considering what to prepare for dinner, be mindful of the apron you choose. I find that when I don my 50's style waist apron (reference the height of my domestic accomplishments), I seem to channel Martha (also known as the Great One), and find myself striving for culinary feats above and beyond my domestic level.

Case in point, while emptying the dishwasher, I was suddenly overcome with the urge clean the kitchen, and make pork medallions with an apricot reduction.

Addie had her first day of preschool yesterday, and I seemed to have been the only mother without a camera. But, thanks to Martha's example, I'm easily able to justify my shortcomings.

After all, when one reaches the level of domestic perfection that I have, one can only focus on so many things, and one will find that something has to be neglected, and it's only natural that it be the children.

I'm off to plan for Addie's birthday party. I am thinking of taking an internet course on basket weaving, and doing a little palm frond weaving demonstration for all of Addie's little friends. After all, it is never too early to start them on the road of domestic perfection.

Take care,

1 comment:

Erin said...

I'm sorry. You must move now. You can't live in a state where the wasps so large they could be considered the state bird! I think I'd have a fainting spell (ala good southern roots) then run and pack up my house!

You're adventures make me smile. I think you should write a book. Have you read Bitter is the New Black? It reminds me of your blogs.

Happy trails and stay safe out there!