Tuesday, June 30, 2009

To catch a child by the . . . calzone?

Hey y'all (I'm totally embracing southernisms),

Just in case there was any doubt, it's hot here. Almost hot enough to keep Jeff from his weekend exercise of sprint mowing (Really. He sprints up and down the lawn, pushing the mower).

If you haven't tried it, he highly recommends it for the cardio benefits, the tanning potential (if you're willing to perform said exercise san clothes), and for its effect on the neighbors.

You already know my feelings about all of the creepy, poisonous bugs and the giant snakes, but it's getting so I've started having nightmares, and am seriously considering becoming a seasonal agoraphobic.

I've been told that this is just a particularly bad year for snakes, but I think they just have a short memory.

Up until I moved here, I had only ever seen one tick in my ENTIRE life. We have now seen three in the last few weeks - all of which were on family members.

Last week Addie came into the kitchen and said, "Daddy, there's a spider in Bubbles' ear." Surely you can see where this is going . . . Needless to say; said spider was in fact a tick sucking the life out of Bubbles, one ear vein at a time.

Since I'm normally such a tough and brave person, I promptly got the tweezers and was all set to pull that little sucker out.

But as it turns out, I would rather deal with a severed limb, than have to contend with a tick. Who says shrieking like a mad woman isn't the new brave and stoic?

Bad enough that they lurk in bushes and trees, but the ticks here are some kind of freaky high-bred. I assume the nuclear power plant is to blame for this.

They have actually learned to parachute from the sky onto their unsuspecting victims.
I was standing on our front path (not tromping through the woods, or hiding in the bushes mind you), and a huge, nasty, freakishly accurately aimed tick landed on Lorelei's leg.


That's all I have to say about that.

As if these attacks weren't bad enough, we had some friends in town this weekend and decided to take the kids on a walk. And to make a long story short, it is not recommended to let your child sit on a red ant hill.

And those giant snakes we've seen in our yard, apparently are not restricted to just our yard . . . who knew?

Although Bubbles has not found a new home yet, she has developed a new hobby.

I've had several reports now that a black and white cat that bears a suspicious resemblance to Bubbles, has been jumping out of the bushes at joggers.

Since she can't sneak into a new family's house, she must have decided that she will try to catch a new family.

More power to her.

I just found out that Addie is the only kid in Rock Hill not attending Vacation Bible School. They really should consider printing rules for outsiders.

I've been told that there are several parents who sign there kids up for one week after another of free vacation bible school at as many churches as they can find. Although really, since there are at least six different churches for each religion, you really wouldn't have to go outside the faith to fill the summer.

I'm just miffed that no one told me this little secret earlier. Just think of the money I could have saved. And just think how how smart Addie would have been after a summer of VBS hopping.

Addie has had some sleeping issues lately (okay, not so much lately as always). One fateful night there was no sleep to be had by me - partly due to a huge thunder cloud sitting on top of the house, and partly due to my fall down the stairs (I had even turned on a light) when I went to get something for Addie.

Minus the big bruise on my ego and my tukas, I was okay.

You know these are tough economic times when people are resorting to trucking their personal golf carts to the cheap public course.

Though I suppose since one in five South Carolina families owns their own golf cart (not just for golf mind you. Many use it to carry their beer coolers while they cruise), it shouldn't come as such a surprise that the economic condition has forced these serious sacrifices.

I recently had the privilege of shopping for fireworks, and wow are rules different here. In Oregon, you may only legally set off fireworks that don't shoot higher than 5 ft. As best I can tell, the rule here is they have to shoot At LEAST 50 ft. to count.

Totally overwhelmed with what I was seeing at the Discount Firework Factory, I asked for help. I explained that I was afraid for the safety of everyone in our neighborhood, and wanted something simple and small. At which time I was directed to something with a military name and was told, "these here are the smallest we got - they only go up 50-60 feet."

We were in Charleston last weekend, and enjoyed it very much. If you've never been, the architecture is beautiful. And outside of the 102 degree weather, the 100% humidity, and the run-in with the rude carriage driver, it was a great trip.

Since we were on vacation, we decided to go out to a nice Italian restaurant (Charleston is known for its restaurants, and Rock Hill is not). When we walked in and they saw that we were a family of four, you could visibly see the wait staffs' faces tighten up. Nothing like a toddler and a baby to get you some fast service.

Both girls behaved beautifully outside of one small incident when Addie fell out of her chair. Thankfully Jeff was able to catch her before she hit the floor. She would have even gone through dinner clean, had he not had his calzone in his hand at the time . . .

Although there is a $200 fine for feeding alligators in SC. It leaves me wondering if a pet (say a cat, for example) were to accidentally fall into the water, would it actually count as feeding them?

The Rock Hill Herald did cover the big celebrity deaths this week, but the favorite topic of course was Gov. Sanford.

Poor Jeff feels so betrayed by the whole thing, as he really felt like he had found his political home here (and yes, we are on different planets politically speaking).

On the bright side, it's been a little while since South Carolina has made national news.

Here's the best joke I've heard so far:

Governor Sanford's staff misunderstood him when he said he was hiking the Appalachian Trail. He really said he was going after some Argentinean tail . . .

Take care,

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